


Ballum Prompt List #1

by messedup



Series: Prompt Lists [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Decorating, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Warnings at the beginning of each chapter!, argument, not between them though!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:22:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21692191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messedup/pseuds/messedup
Summary: These are various prompt fills requested from my first own prompt list for Day 5 of the Ballum Advent Calender.*Chapter 3: "I know what it´s like to bottle things up. Talk to me, please.“
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Prompt Lists [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1563700
Comments: 10
Kudos: 94





	1. "Who did this? I´m gonna kill them!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the lovely Luisa @lucres! <3 I really struggled with writing yesterday and I still don´t know what this is, but I hope you like it anyway! :)
> 
> CHAPTER WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and blood; also of shitty dads  
> This fic is loosely based on spoilers!

“Who did this?” Ben clenched his jaw. His thumb twitched, hovering over the cut on Callum´s eyebrow, holding back from wiping the blood away as to not agitate the wound any further. He was seething, his anger so strong that it was almost drowning out the worry and ignoring the tears building up in his eyes. “I´m gonna kill them!”

Callum pulled back slightly, his own irritation and fury clearly showing on his face. When he spoke, Ben felt his words like a slap to the face.

“Really?! You´re really asking _me_ who did this?”, he laughed humourlessly. “Only they said _you_ would know. That you´d know what this was about and that they hope you finally get the message.” Callum shook his head in disbelief.

For a moment there was silence, Ben swallowing heavily before cursing under his breath. 

“Yeah, you can say that again! I thought we were clear that you would stop with the dodgy deals?”, Callum snapped.

“I know.”, Ben said, pinching his eyes, “I know.”

“So, what? You only said that to keep me sweet? Just kept going on behind my back?” Ben could see the disappointment in his eyes. Callum was not solely hurt by the bruises colouring his ribs or the cuts on his skin, wasn´t only angry because he was the one who had been attacked for his boyfriend´s doings. It was the betrayal that stung the most.

“No! It wasn´t like that, Cal, I swear!” Ben´s voice was desperate. “Please, you´ve got to believe me!”

“How?! How am I supposed to believe you?! They attacked me.” - Ben flinched - “You wanna tell me I just imagined that? Or that this has nothing to do with you? Are you really gonna try to tell me that this is not what it looks like?”

“No... I´m sorry, okay? It´s...”, he struggled to find the right words. “You know I told you I have a reputation, that I can´t simply let this go without anybody noticing?”

“Right, and your reputation is much more important to you than what we have, is it?”, Callum said bitterly. 

“Of course not.”

There was a sincerity in his voice that Callum couldn´t take. If Ben really meant it, he wouldn´t have done this in the first place. On the other hand, if he was such a good liar, making Callum still almost believe him now, even after everything that had just happened, what else had he been lying about? Had anything of what they had been real? Callum shook his head.

“Of course not?” He huffed. “You almost had me convinced.”

Ben tried to step closer, reaching out, but Callum backed away.

“If our relationship – if I – meant something to you, you would have walked away. And you certainly wouldn´t have lied to me. This is all just a joke to you, isn´t it?” Tears were now freely running down his cheeks. He wiped them away roughly, smearing a streak of blood across his jaw in the process. 

“No, Cal.”, Ben began to protest, but Callum ignored him. He stepped away and turned to leave. Ben´s heart sank. How was he supposed to explain when Callum wouldn´t even listen? He didn´t have any time to think, but the words came out so instinctively that they surprised even him.

“I love you, okay?” 

Callum froze. Ben was breathing heavily, his heart racing as the moment stretched out to what seemed like an eternity to him. He had never been good at admitting his feelings, but the words fell so naturally from his lips that he couldn´t have stopped them. Now his heart was on the line and it would only take a few more steps for Callum to break it. But he turned around. The anger on his face was sill there, but it had shifted into a mix of emotions. Shock, confusion, uncertainty.

“How can I believe you? How do I know that you´re not lying again?” His voice was quiet and hoarse now. Nothing resembling his previous outburst. He wanted it to be true so badly, but he didn´t know what to think anymore.

Ben took a careful step forward, approaching him slowly, as if he was afraid of being rejected again. When Callum didn´t move, he dared another step.

“Because it´s the truth.” He held in his breath as he reached up to cup Callum´s cheek, then standing on his toes to bring their foreheads together gently. “I love you. I ain´t lying. Not now, and not back then either. I meant it. I stopped, I swear.” He could see Callum´s doubt creeping in again at his last words, so he hurried to continue. “For a while I layed off the dodgy stuff. I was good. But... but dad...” He swallowed.

“But what? What about Phil?”, Callum asked quietly.

“Well...”, Ben twitched nervously, then sighed. “It doesn´t really matter, does it? I lied to you and I´m sorry.”

“Yes, it does matter. I wanna know what happened.”

Ben looked down. “Let´s just say dad wasn´t that happy when he found out I´m dating a copper.” There was a smile on his lips that didn´t reach his eyes. It disappeared as quickly as it came, though. “I tried to help him with something, get him to stop looking at me like I´m the biggest disappointment, but it all backfired. If I had known this would come back to you, I would never have done it. I was just so tired of never being good enough for him.”

A wave of sympathy overcame Callum as he saw the hurt on Ben´s face, his last bit of resolve vanishing as he pulled Ben closer. “I´m sorry. I know what that feels like. I should´ve heard you out.” He pressed a light kiss to his forehead. “You know you are, though, right? Good enough? The truth is, you´re better than _this_ , better than _him_. And he doesn´t deserve your loyalty. He doesn´t deserve you.”

There were tears in Ben´s eyes, threatening to fall. 

“Thank you.” His voice was weak. "Please don´t hate me."

Wrapping his arms around him, Callum pulled him into a tight hug. Ben gripped his shirt as they swayed slightly. A sigh of relief left Callum´s lips.

“I don´t. I love you, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They both smiled into the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! <3
> 
> I would love to hear what you thought! You can also check out the prompt list and request your own prompt here: https://stillamess22.tumblr.com/post/189488757213


	2. "I'm warning you, if you're gonna joke about my height now, we're over."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn´t get more requests, but I wanted to write something, so this is a short one for my own indulgence :)
> 
> CHAPTER WARNINGS: -

The sound of Ben swearing rang through the flat, Callum hearing him even before he entered the living room. When he rounded the corner, his eyes fell on his boyfriend. He was standing by the Christmas tree on the little stool that they had always used in the kitchen for Lexi to better reach the counter whenever she wanted to help with cooking. Which to be honest wasn't that often (mostly when they were baking cookies, really), but still.

Despite the help of the stool, Ben was stretching with a golden star in his hand, trying to make himself taller to be able to reach the tip of the tree without tumbling over and taking all the already placed decorations with him. 

He hadn't seemed to notice Callum entering the room. Callum took the chance to watch the scene before him for a moment, amused at the display.

Ben hissed out another swear when the tree swayed dangerously, almost falling. Taking pity on him, Callum finally walked into the room, making himself noticable.

"What's this then?", he grinned widely, hands on his hips, sizing up Ben.

Ben's head snapped around. The surprise on his face soon turned into a glare. "I'm warning you, if you're gonna joke about my height now, we're over!", he threatened. 

Callum couldn't surpress a laugh. "Oh, but I gotta keep you on your toes though, don't I?", he teased.

"That's not even funny." Ben shook his head, his expression stern.

Still chuckling, Callum tried to get back his composure. It was a bit funny. "What are you trying to do here?"

"Lo and Lex are at one with each other that a Christmas tree is not fully decorated until there is a star on the top. I think they might actually cancel Christmas if I don't put it up.", he said incredulously. To be fair, Callum could see that happening. "But they didn't think about that when we bought the thing this year though, did they? It had to be the biggest tree there was available.", Ben continued to vent.  
Callum tried his best not to break out into a laugh again. He walked up to Ben, taking the star out of his hand and turning him around. "I think you need a break to calm down, don't ya?" 

The change of perspective when he leaned up to kiss his normally much smaller boyfriend was unfamiliar, but he wasn't complaining. Ben didn't seem to mind either, chasing after his lips when he pulled back and almost falling of the stool in the process.

Now Callum really couldn't hold back the laugh anymore. It was impossible.

"Get down there before you'll break your neck, will ya? Just, I don't know, sit down on the sofa and don't move or something.", he managed to bring out between fits of laughs.

Ben glared at him once more but jumped down nontheless. 

"You're very lucky you're so useful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it! Would love to hear your thoughts :)
> 
> I´m @stillamess22 on Tumblr if you want to come and say hi. If you want to request your own prompt you can find the prompt list here: https://stillamess22.tumblr.com/post/189722022403


	3. „I know what it´s like to bottle things up. Talk to me, please.“

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a lovely anon <3 Hope you like it! :)
> 
> CHAPTER WARNINGS: Mentions of Blood/Injuries

Callum rounded the corner, taking a few steps into the square before stopping. He looked up from where his gaze had been fixed on the pavement before him, lost in thoughts. It felt strange to be back again. Not that he had been gone that long, but so much stuff had happened in such a short time that it felt like he had been gone for several months rather than the three weeks it actually had been. It almost felt like his world had been turned upside down. 

His eyes followed a couple that passed by, heading for the Vic. He felt a strange kind of uncertainty as the thought that Ben might be in the pub as well crossed his mind. Callum couldn´t deny that he wanted to see him again. If he was honest with himself, he had struggled on more than one occasion over the last few days to hold himself back from returning earlier than planned. Callum missed him. He couldn´t even describe how much he missed him. At the same time something was holding him back. However much he wanted to see him, he wasn´t sure if he could take facing him, take the hurt of being rejected again. 

Callum adjusted the strap of his bag where is was beginning to dig into his shoulder before hastily walking towards the flat.

He was halfway down the road and already began to feel relief that he had made it home without having been seen by anyone who would start a conversation he didn´t have the nerves for right know when he saw him.

Ben.

It did hurt. Even more so than he had expected, actually. But for an entirely different reason.

Ben was pacing in one of the small alleyways, his shoulders heaving with heavy breaths. His face was wet with tears smeared across his cheeks, more threatening to fall. His eyes were burning red.

Callum had stopped dead in his tracks on the street, not able to walk along and ignore him, not even to move. He jumped however as Ben suddenly turned around with a low growl, punching the brick wall with full force. The blood streaming from his knuckles finally brought Callum back to consciousness. He hesitated only a mere second before stepping into the alley.

“Ben.” His voice was quiet, almost breaking.

Ben wheeled around so quickly that Callum thought his neck might snap. He stared at him, shocked and at a loss for words.

“What´s going on?”, Callum asked unable to hide the worry he felt.

It took a moment for Ben to catch himself again, but then he walked up to Callum quickly trying to get past him in the narrow alley.

“Nothing.”, he mumbled. Callum didn´t exactly know what he had expected, but certainly not denial. At least not when it was so clearly visible that something was wrong. Ben hadn´t even bothered to wipe away the tears or hide his bruised hand. Not that Callum would have believed him if he had. 

The narrow space between the walls allowed Callum to quickly put a hand up against the bricks to stop Ben before he could vanish.  
“Ben. C´mon.”, he said, his voice now firm. 

Suddenly Ben´s eyes bore into him. For a moment they stared at each other, then Ben huffed. 

“None of your business anymore, is it?”, he snapped, making Callum´s heart sting, “And anyway, thought you weren´t coming back.”

It was like a slap to the face. Callum averted his gaze. He couldn´t look at Ben as he felt his heart break once again. The pain must have been clearly visible for him to see. Looking down, he noticed a drop of blood running down Ben´s finger. For some reason it made Callum sober up. 

“Stop pushing me away.”, he said with intent. Raising a hand to his cheek Callum let his thumb graze his jaw. He swallowed against a lump in his throat. „I know what it´s like to bottle things up. Talk to me, please.“

Apparently the time apart had softened his resolve. Callum could see Ben ringing with himself, and he counted it as a success that Ben didn´t pull back.

“I can´t.”, he pressed out, “Just leave it, yeah?”

“No, no, I won´t.”, Callum insisted, “Because I care about you.” He could feel Ben´s hesitation, the fight he had with himself as he tried to avoid his eyes and hide his emotions. With a finger under his chin, Callum made him look up at him. “If nothing else, then come inside the flat. I´m sure we have a medical kit somewhere. If you´re not gonna talk about this then at least let me help you patch you up.”

Ben sighed. “Okay.”, he finally gave in, nodding slightly. “Okay.”

The flat was quiet apart from the running tap. Neither of them had spoken since they came in. Callum didn´t know what to say. Of course he wanted to know why Ben was so upset, but he had tried to get him to talk before and he didn´t really want to think about how that had ended. Also, he still wasn´t sure how to feel in that regard. He was angry, yes. Angry that Ben had lied to him, that he didn´t trust him even after he himself had opened up to him so much over the last few months. But that didn´t change the fact that he still loved him. And seeing him like this made him want to wrap his arms around him and tell him that everything would be okay before anything else.

Ben was sitting on a chair at the kitchen island. Seeing him there almost felt normal, like the past month hadn´t happened and this was just any other evening – if it wasn´t for his hunched shoulders and the antiseptic and bandages laying strew around his injured hand. Callum turned off the tap and dried his hands before pulling a chair up next to him.

“Can I?”, he asked gesturing at Ben´s knuckles.

Ben didn´t answer, but after a moment of hesitation he laid his hand flat on the table in front of Callum, who held it up to inspect it carefully, trying his best to focus on the wound instead of Ben. When he went on to clean away the blood, Ben hissed.

“Sorry.”, Callum mumbled, trying to dab the antiseptic down more carefully though he knew it was probably the alcohol burning rather than the press of the cloth. 

“It´s alright.” Callum could feel his eyes on him, mustering him, though he kept his focus on the task. He didn´t feel the strength to look at him right now. Another silence that seemed to stretch out, not uncomfortable, but Callum still felt like he had to say something. He just didn´t know what. I mean, what was there to say?

“Why are you doing this?”, Ben finally whispered. 

Callum´s head shot up, his expression incredulous. “I told you why. I love you.” He had fought long enough to accept his feelings, he wasn´t going to deny them now, not even if Ben didn´t feel the same, not anymore. 

“I said I don´t want it.”, Ben said. There was no conviction behind it, though. It sounded more than retelling of events than him trying to convince him that it was the truth. Maybe he was finally tired of keeping up the front.

“I don´t believe you. And even if I did - well, tough. Because that´s how I feel. And it doesn´t just go away because you want it to. I love you and you can say whatever you want, I will still love you.”. The determination in his voice shut Ben up. Good, Callum thought, because that was really all there was to say about this. He wasn´t gonna let Ben push him away that easily, let him diminish what they had had. Having said his piece, he turned around to put the remains of the bandages back in place. He took a deep breath.

“Don´t say that.”, Ben whispered suddenly. “Don´t say that. Because you wouldn´t, not if I told you...”, he trailed off, shook his head. When Callum looked at him, there were tears in his eyes again.

“How would you know?” He tried his best to keep in his frustrations and keep his tone calm and comforting. He didn´t want a repeat performance of their last conversation about this. Callum knew Ben was more insecure than he led on, so maybe reassurance was the only way to get him to open up. “You can´t know that.” He stepped in close again.

To Callums surprise, Ben didn´t snap at him. He didn´t run away either. Instead he buried his face in his hands and let out a sob.

“I´m sorry. I´m so sorry.”, he cried. Callum wasn´t sure what he was apologising for. Maybe it was for pushing him away, for hurting him, but for some reason he couldn´t explain Callum had the feeling it was about more than that. Maybe he wasn´t ready just yet to talk about it.

Callum finally let himself give into his first impulse. He wrapped his arms around Ben and held him as close as possible. Kissing the top of his head, he swayed them slightly, his hands rubbing along Ben´s back as he let him cry. He wasn´t planning of letting him go again any time soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, would love to hear what you thought! <3
> 
> You can also find me @stillamess22 and @ballum-fic-wishes on Tumblr :)


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